Valentine’s Day

One question I often get from a father with a daughter is, “How do I spend time with my daughter on Valentine’s Day, or how do I celebrate it with her?” This is a fair question and quite admirable for a father to ask, because for one, they really don’t know how to show their daughter that he loves her in such a way that she can understand and love. A father can envision one way to show love, but the daughter may have a completely different understanding and definition of the type of love she would like to receive from her father. We call this, ‘miscommunicated love,’ and it can often lead to disappointment or tension in the father-daughter relationship. The good news is, and there is good news, that this can be resolved by willful action taken by the father, which can lead him to a greater understanding of his daughter’s interpretation of love from him.

Valentine’s Day is coming up really fast and you still haven’t bought your honey a gift, have you? Maybe you’re wondering, “I don’t know what she wants, I wish I knew what he wants, or I’m just going to buy her more chocolates like I did last year and call it a day, that’s the ticket” If you find yourself relating to this then keep reading, because you may want to consider a different approach to celebrating the holiday of Love with your sweetheart this year.

We’ve all been there one time or another, for the wife, “I wonder what he is going to get me this year? I really don’t need any more chocolates, besides I think I’ve eaten enough calories for the whole year already!” For the husband, “I don’t know what to get her this year. We should just go out to Applebee’s again so I can have my favorite beer. Oh, I know, I’ll just buy her a ten-pounder of Godiva. That’s easy, it’s at the store right around the corner, she’ll love that!” Husbands, chances are that your sweetheart isn’t really that excited about you running to the local C.V.S. ten minutes before they close on Valentine’s day to buy her more chocolate. Here’s a tip for you, wives buy chocolate the rest of the year when they crave it, your gift of chocolate is not the only time of the year she eats it. I know that may be shocking to you, but that is reality, and that’s okay, because just like men grab a bag of potato chips when they crave them any time of the year, so will your wife. So why do you do it every Valentine’s day? Tradition? Habit? Guilt? Now just sit and think about this, because it could really well be a moment of enlightenment for you and a blessing for your sweetheart. 

Do you know what would really touch her heart this year for Valentine’s Day? Smother her with endearing words of affection, admiration and grace and watch her curl up next to you, twinkling her pretty brown or blue eyes right up to you. You could be her STAR just with the touch of a hand-written Love Letter that you took the time out of your busy schedule to enrich her life with as much as your marital relationship. It’s no fault of your own husbands, but you do forget that when you put time into going out of your way to write her sweet notes and a Love Letter, she will see you through a different pair of eyeglasses, ones that would make you smile and think back to the first time you saw her and fell in love. Think of that special day, seeing her pretty eyes for the first time, with her beautiful smile and the way she made you feel just the two of you being alone together. Do you remember when you undoubtedly decided you wanted to marry her and plotted out how you would surprise her with a ring and propose? Remember how nervous you felt, hoping she would love your plans and, of course, say yes? Now, years later, you have shared your life with her, started your own family and legacy together and it’s Valentine’s Day. What do you get her? Your heart, your thoughts, the loving feelings she gives you every day you’re with her, all put into a Love Letter.

What not to say in a Love Letter for your spouse: Remember it’s the holiday of Love, not sarcasm. Let’s start off by saying, if you’re feeling any bitterness towards your spouse for whatever reason, now is the time to confess it and release it. We all know how unforgiveness divides us and Valentine’s Day is not a day like that, rather a day that unites us. Make the choice to build a bridge of Love, releasing her of all past hurts, and invite in words that connect the two of you together. You’ll want to exclude words like, “I love you, but I wish you would have done ____!” or “I love you but, I hate it when you did ____ to me in front of my mother X years ago!” The Love Letter is not a place for conflict management or resolution from past disagreements, not at all! Make the decision to edify your wife with positive words that encourage her and make her feel like she’s on top of the world. We all know our spouses have weaknesses, so don’t share them in your Love Letter, instead tell her what you love about her, even times when she has done something so admirable in your eyes that you wish you could have done it. It could sound something like, “Honey, I will never forget, because it made me think how blessed I am to have you, when you stayed up all night to _____, or helping _____ when no one else cared. That was something I would not be able to do, but you did, and you did it without complaining, you’re amazing!” In your Love Letter, you want to bring up the times you noticed something she did or thought about and the strength in her that you want to praise her for. Your wife needs your encouragement and to notice things about her that she would not have. When a husband brings to her attention the beautiful gifts she has been given and the ways in which she has used them especially towards her husband and children, those are the words you’ll want to lavish her with in your Love Letter.

Start writing, take your time, clear your mind, and keep distractions at bay, because this is a very important gift for your spouse. You’ll want to give your best to her just like you did on your engagement day, though even better now after spending your life together, and making years of memories that will bless your children and generations to come.

So here we are again, another Valentine’s Day to celebrate just about a week away and you may be just scratching your head wondering…… “We’ve been down this road before; you know, did the date thing, went out to dinner, ate our favorite meal, indulged in delicious chocolate desserts and even finished the night watching a movie together. One year we decided to change things around a little and took a walk on the beach together. Another year we even decided to go on a cruise, our first of many to see a new place, you know Mexico and the Caribbean. Oh, and who can forget one year we went to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, so we’ve been there and done that, traveled a little here and a little there. So what are we going to do this time around? More dinners? More traveling around? Ugh, I just don’t feel like going through the motions anymore. What’s the point of it all anyway when we just end up feeling so tired at the end of the night after spending hundreds of dollars on ourselves to boot? Isn’t there a better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day without the fuss and frenzy spending?” If this is you then continue reading about three tips on fresh ideas to celebrate Valentine’s day this year to keep the fire alive in your beloved marriage.